


i followed your ashes (into outer space)

by parkrstark



Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame Speculation, Gen, Hallucinations, Hurt No Comfort, I really am, I'm Sorry, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2018-12-09
Packaged: 2019-09-14 14:13:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16914393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/parkrstark/pseuds/parkrstark
Summary: …after 3 days and 22 hours, the hallucinations start.





	i followed your ashes (into outer space)

**Author's Note:**

> I thought of this pain when kat and i were screaming about whump. i'm sorry. this is payback for her.
> 
> title is taken from the song, Stars by Grace Potter. Best Post Iron Dad Post Infinity War song imo

When Tony dreamed about dying in space, there were things that haunted his fears. The hypoxia, the starvation, the darkness, the cold...all of that wasn't anything new. 

So, maybe those years of countless nightmares weren't useless after all. They prepared him for the real thing so that now that he was living it, he didn't have to waste his energy on being scared. 

He was calm. At peace. 

He was ready for the unbearable hunger pains. 

He was ready for the blue skin.

He was ready for the sickness.

He was ready for the slow death. 

 

But the one thing he wasn't ready for was Peter. 

 

Tony had started seeing him when the air got thin. Then, it had been easy to write off as a side effect of hypoxia. He was hallucinating the kid. Because Peter wasn't with him. Peter was dead. 

He never stayed long. Never said a word. Just sat in the corner with crossed legs, staring at him. 

 

But this time was different. 

Now, he was standing in front of Tony as he was slouched against the wall of the spaceship. “Peter?” He asked, confused because Peter wasn't here-- he wasn't  _ supposed  _ to be here. 

“Are you surprised?” Peter asked, his voice cold. That wasn't Peter. Peter never spoke to anyone like that, especially not to him. 

“What?” Tony blinked, trying to sit up. 

Peter kneeled down to meet his eye-level and glared. “We both know you deserve this. You've ruined lives, Tony. Your entire fortune was built on  _ killing. _ I think it's about time you paid the price.” 

This Peter was all wrong. That glare didn't belong on his face. He didn't  _ speak  _ like that. He didn't call Tony  _ Tony.  _

“Get out of here,” Tony growled. That wasn't Peter. It was just a hallucination. His subconscious playing a cruel joke on him.

Not-Peter’s lips curled into a sick grin as he looked Tony over. “I can't wait to see you die. You're gonna die up here all alone. No one will know and no one will even care.” 

“Stop it,” Tony swatted his hand, but it didn't reach Not-Peter. 

“Do me a favor, Tony. Right before you die, just remind yourself this is for the best. You can't fuck up anyone else's life if you're  _ dead _ .” 

He flickered away and Tony couldn't move. He knew...he knew that wasn't Peter...but did it make his words any less true…? 

Maybe...maybe this was for the best. Maybe, just like Strange said, there was no other way.

Tony closed his eyes and if he had any water to spare, he would have cried. 

 

Hours later, he hadn't moved from his spot. He was just barely keeping his eyes open and his body propped up. 

The definite timeline he had in his head was all mush. It felt like hours ago that he was eating but years ago that Nebula was abandoning him because she said she needed to do this on her own and having a human coming along would only ruin things. 

She sent him off in his own ship with coordinates programmed and enough food to last him the journey back to earth. 

With Tony Stark luck, something went wrong. The ship's engine stopped working and Tony had no clue how to fix alien technology. He tried for hours, but nothing helped. He was stuck, drifting.

No one was coming to rescue him. The only people that knew where he was disappeared. And who knew who the hell was left on earth? 

Tony was alone. 

Until he heard the cries. 

The painful sobs had him more alert than he'd been in days. He pushed himself up and looked around. He hated that he knew those sobs. “Peter-- buddy, where are you?” 

How was he here? He wasn't...he was on a field trip. Tony sent him home, right? He wasn't supposed to be here. 

But, however the hell he got here didn't matter. All that mattered was making sure his kid was okay.

The cries got louder and Tony noticed the lump laying on the ground, too far away. Tony couldn't reach him. “Hey, squirt, I'm right here. Come here. What's wrong?”

Peter let out a loud whine from his spot. He was laying on his belly, his arm outstretched, reaching for him. “Mr. Stark,--” he cut himself short with a pained gasp. 

Tony was too weak. He couldn't move.  _ Dammit!  _ He needed to get to his kid and he couldn't fucking move. “Peter! You need to come here. I can't reach you. I can't move. Please, kiddo.” 

Peter continued to cry, finally able to speak, “It hurts. Mr. Stark, it hurts  _ so much.”  _

“What hurts, kiddo? You gotta--” Tony tried to start crawling towards him but he only fell to his side. He reached out his own hand to try and grab Peter's hand, but it wasn't long enough. He was a few inches short. “Peter, please.”

Peter lifted his head up, looking at him with a devastated face and tear-stained cheeks. “Why?” Peter whispered, his voice breaking. 

“Why what?” Tony asked, wanting to cry himself because Peter was in pain and Tony could do  _ nothing.  _

“I'm dying-- I  _ died  _ because of you.” His face pinched in pain as he let out a loud scream that choked off into a sob. 

Tony squeezed his eyes shut and he wasn't sure what hurt more: hearing that scream or hearing Peter blame him for his death. “I sent you home-- I tried to send you home. You didn't-- I wanted you safe.” 

Peter could barely speak between the sobs of pain. “You were supposed to protect me! You-- you promised May!” Peter had to take a deep breath. “Now she's waiting for me-- and I'll never come home.” 

Tony shook his head. “I'm gonna get you back. You're gonna come home.”

“No! I'm gone forever. You let me die. I went to you. I begged you and you still let me  _ die.”  _

“I tried! I couldn't stop it! I don't know what happened!” Tony yelled. 

“You promised you'd catch me.  _ You promised.”  _

“I did! I caught you! I caught you and held on so tight, buddy-- I tried!” 

“No, you let me fall. You let me fall and die.” Peter went peaceful like he wasn't in any pain at all and looked Tony in the eyes and said, “You killed me.”

Now Tony was the one to feel the pain. He felt like Thanos was squeezing his heart with that gauntlet and twisting it until it was ripped from his chest. He covered his ears and cried. He couldn't do it. “I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I tried-- Peter, I tried so fucking hard.  _ I'm sorry.”  _

When Tony opened his eyes again to look in the spot where Peter had been, he was gone. 

 

He didn't move after that. 

He laid on his side and didn't even have the energy to turn his head. He was forced to star at the stars. He hated them. He hated them ever since the Battle of New York and they were going to be the last thing he saw. Then Peter managed to drag him out stargazing and Tony started to appreciate them again. But now, now they were going to be the last thing he saw. For real this time. 

There was no team ready to save him.

He was alone. 

 

He squeezed his eyes shut as he took one of his last shaky breaths. 

He opened his eyes again and he didn't see stars. 

He saw Peter. 

This was Peter. His Peter. Tony knew it was. He wasn't smirking down at him or writhing in pain on the ground. 

He was happy. He was smiling. He was sitting on the ground by his head, looking ridiculously tiny in one of Tony’s MIT sweatshirts. His curls were as wild as ever. “Hey, Mr. Stark.”

Tony could barely breathe and his eyes wanted to close. Minutes ago, that would have been okay. But not anymore. Now he has Peter to see, not those damned stars. “P-Pete…”

“You okay?” He asked, his face pinching in concern. He looked so young. So innocent. 

“‘m fine,” Tony mumbled because his voice was too weak to raise. 

“You're dying,” Peter said, sadly.

Tony didn't have an answer to that. 

Peter scooted closer and he was only an inch away. Tony could’ve touched him, held him close. But he couldn't move anymore. “It's going to be okay. You won't hurt anymore. You've hurt enough.” 

“G-go,” Tony rasped.  _ Go. Be safe. Don't die here with me.  _

“I'm not leaving you, Mr. Stark,” Peter said, as stubborn as ever. 

“Please,” Tony pleaded. “S-safe.”

Peter smiled and said, “I'm safe as long as I'm with you.” 

Tony let out a sob. There would have been tears. There should have been tears. “Don't trus’...me...please.” 

“I'm not going anywhere, Mr. Stark,” Peter repeated. “I'm not letting you die alone.” 

“Don't wan’ you...die...too,” Tony wheezed. 

Peter's smile turned sad. “I'm already dead, Mr. Stark.” 

_ No. He couldn't be dead.  _ Peter was supposed to live longer than Tony by decades. He was supposed to learn to drive. He was supposed to graduate high school and go to college. He was supposed to take over the company. He was supposed to get married and have kids of his own. “N-no,” Tony croaked, “You n-need to live.” 

Peter reached over and squeezed his arm. Tony didn't feel it. “I've lived, Mr. Stark. I've had a happy life. Sometimes...sometimes kids aren't meant to grow up. I'm just another one of them. But I was happy. I got 17 happy years. I got to meet you and call you my mentor. That's pretty cool.”

Tony shook his head. “M-My fault.” 

“I followed you, Mr. Stark. You couldn't stop me. Just like you couldn't stop me from dying.”

That hurt even though Peter didn't mean it maliciously like the last time he was here. “I'm sorry.” 

“You don't need to be sorry. You did your best. That's all I could ever ask of you.” Peter was still smiling-- as if everything was okay. 

“Miss you,” Tony whispered. It had only been days, but it felt like lifetimes. 

Peter laughed and it was so good to hear it again. He thought he never would. “I miss you too, Mr. Stark. But we're together now, okay? I won't leave you alone.” 

“Why?” Tony couldn't understand why Peter would find his way back to him.

“Because you didn't let me die alone, so I won't let you.” 

Tony worked hard to quirk his lip in a smile. They stayed silent for a few minutes and Tony was okay with that. If he was going to go out, at least he was with Peter. His family was here.

But he couldn't move. He couldn't hug him. He couldn't do anything. “Wanna... ruffle...your curls...one last time.” 

A tear fell from the corner of Peter's eye. “You know you can't do that, Mr. Stark.” 

“Will...will I see...you? When...I leave...here?” It was getting harder and harder to breathe. He didn't have long. 

It took a few seconds for Peter to answer. “You'll like my parents. And Uncle Ben. You two would be good friends, I think. Will you tell them I said hi?”

“But...you...will I see...you?” 

“Only a few more minutes now,” Peter said, leaning closer, steadily crying now. “You're super strong Mr. Stark. The pain is almost over.” 

He didn't have the energy to tell him if he didn't see him wherever the hell they went after this life, the pain would be back and worse than ever before. “P-Pe…” He tried saying his name, but his tongue refused.

Peter brushed his hair from his forehead and Tony hated that he felt  _ nothing.  _ “I love you, Mr. Stark.”

Tony was going to say it back. He was going to say it back if it was the last thing he did-- oh...well, it was going to be… “L-Love...you...Pe...Peter,” he whispered as his eyes drifted shut.

 

He was alone in the middle of space surrounded by nothing but stars. But the last thing Tony Stark saw in life was Peter Parker...and for now, it was enough. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> pleasedontkillme.... heheheheheh i loooove you guys :)))))


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